I know people aren’t supposed to talk about their dreams, because there is nothing more boring than somebody telling you all about this long, rambling dream they had that makes little to no sense in the light of day.

But I’m going to do it anyway. Because I had a WICKED nightmare last night. It was so scary that it was actually cool. When I woke up I wanted to make it into a movie . . . Picture THIS:

I lived in a small town, quiet, ordinary. Always sunny, at least in the dream. There was a dollar store downtown where people often went . . . but this wasn’t just any dollar store. It had everything you would expect – cheap clothes, costume jewellry, fake floral arrangements, kitchenware, party supplies and so on. But it also had a storage room, filled to the roof with boxes of stuff.

And under that storage room, asleep all the time unless somehow awakened, were VAMPIRES.

They didn’t look like vampires. All female. Some of them were older, or middle-aged women, some were young and pretty.

But us townspeople all knew that around that store, you had to be pretty quiet. Not ridiculously quiet. You didn’t have to tiptoe or whisper. But you couldn’t make any extra loud noises. No thundering around the upstairs. No breaking windows. No fire alarms or parades outside or fireworks overhead. You just had to be extra careful and your heart definitely beat a little faster when you were in that dollar store.

Because if you did make noise, boxes or no boxes, the beautiful vampires would claw their way out of the storage room and feast on the townspeople. I’m not talking just sucking blood, here. They would EAT us, head to toe.

In the dream, this had only happened once before in living memory. But it had been awful – the vampires had been woken up by a crashing display in the dollar store, and they had come out of the storage room with these sickeningly evil eyes and terrible teeth and fingernails and all hell had broken loose in the town.

A little vampire history, which somehow I knew in the dream: they didn’t all like one another. There were two factions of vampires, and they were enemies. But that first time when they were awakened, they had joined forces and ganged up on the humans, in order to eat as many as possible.

And they’d eaten a lot of us. I must have escaped, because here I was in the dream, still alive, aware of the previous vampire attack but distantly, as though maybe it had happened when I was very young or something. So there I was, trying to be quiet in the dollar store.

Something went wrong – a bunch of boisterous kids came in, shouting, laughing, knocking around the place. “BE QUIET!” someone begged. But it was too late. We could hear a stirring downstairs, then an angry shriek from an awakened vampire, we could hear the floorboards splitting open, the shifting boxes . . . we ran but the vampires chased us.

Followed by an epic battle. Here’s what happened, to sum it up: the two enemy groups of vampires were more angry at each other than they were hungry. So each time a vampire from one group would close in on a human, another vampire from the other group would swoop in and “save” the human just so their enemy didn’t get to eat.

I was one such human. My vampires kept me in this sort of “holding pen” that they guarded so their enemies couldn’t get at me. They had to be careful not to eat me (not sure why, it seemed that they wanted to keep us alive to taunt the others or something), but they were succeeding in controlling themselves. The leader of my vampires was a very beautiful blonde girl, and my guard was a middle-aged lady, who actually seemed pretty nice. She kind of reminded me of a nurse or something.

I’m not sure what happened to the rest of the humans in this “holding pen” but eventually it was just me left. By now, I kind of had a relationship with my vampires. I think the leader was in love with me or something. Maybe I was a guy in the dream? Or maybe vampires don’t care. In any case, I was getting the sense that I wasn’t going to get eaten by them.

Anyway, the dream ended when we knew that the enemy team was going to make an attack on the place I was being kept. My guards and the leader of my vampires got me away to a clearing in a forest with some very tall trees. Their plan was to keep me at the very tops of the trees to hide me from the other vampires.

Once we got there, though, before we climbed the trees, my guard, the nice middle-aged nurse lady, went into a hunger craze all of a sudden, and turned on me. It was so scary! The eyes, the teeth, the fingernails – she was trying to grab at me and eat me. Thank goodness for the leader, the blonde vampire who loved me – she fought against her own instincts to eat me in order to try and save my life!

Then I woke up. I don’t know what happened – did she save me? Did I make it to the tops of the trees? What went on? Who knows? All I know is, it was such a vivid dream, and so scary, that I have been thinking of it all day.

Wondering if I should write a novel or a screenplay about it or something.

Look out, Stephen King!!

Anyone out there had a really scary nightmare lately?